my interface was glitching out. i struggled to make it work with the remaining buttons. my phone beeped. i looked at my phone.

“heyy its how are you doing ? wwant to hang out later ? ?”

“sure thing!” i punched in immediately .

one more time i had to fake remember guess who was texting me.

i made a mental note to try to remember who they were. the list of people is too long. i can never remember half of them but i felt guilty enough of being out of touch that i knew i must say yes off the bat. no doubt i was behind in some important area with somebody.

i covered my face with my hands. my hands were kind of clammy and moist. i got up from the computer and went to the front door. i felt jittery.

i looked out the door into the night. an enormous pig was heaving itself up over the curb onto the neutral ground. it was covered in bulbous tumors. it was grunting loudly.

“well,” i said to myself, “the cars seem to be avoiding her all right. they’re slowing down etc. okay, i’d say this isn’t really my problem.” i shut the door.

my phone beeped again. the screen had reconstituted itself.

“how about this afternoon? “

“who is this, by the way ?” i got the courage to ask.

she gave her name, heart heart, smile smile.

i frowned.

“the one from hong kong ?” i asked her.


“the one from sweden ?”


i turned my head. behind me, the living room had filled with my extended relations. the pig was there, on the coffee table. she was squealing an indescribable noise. my relatives were helping her deliver the piglets, perhaps surgically. i’m sure only now that there was a knife involved.

i frowned deeper. why must they do this right in my living room? my uncle looked at me and picked up one of the wet piglets. he chucked it at me like a softball. i caught it, irritated. the thing scurried over my clothes like a weasel and rooted right into my shoulder. it got a mouthful of my flesh and started sucking on me, as all mammal newborn baby mouths do.

i looked back at my phone. “is your last name just what i think it is?”

” 🙂 🙂 how have u been h ?”

i looked up at the pig situation — just in time; my uncles threw more and more piglets at me. i reflexively caught them all, since my reflexes are so good, but they quickly covered my body, each of them latching a mouth on some spare patch of skin.

i frowned deeper than ever and with difficulty lifted my thumb to text back.

“go fuck you r s elf girl” i managed to type.

“that’s not very nice!” i could almost hear her voice reply to me. i opened my hand and dropped my phone.